Is perfectionism preventing your progress?

Perfectionism has always been my kryptonite, especially as someone who’s neurodivergent. The fear of making mistakes, getting things wrong and being or looking anything less than brilliant at something has created an invisible barrier between what I want to be doing and where I’m starting (hello hobby graveyard). It takes me 5x longer to do anything, obsessing over the minute details, and often it can stop me from even attempting anything in the first place.

But here’s the thing:

• We learn just as much from getting things wrong as we do from getting things right

• Practise is just that - practise. It’s meant to be sloppy and imperfect. It’s a process, not the end product.

And training our dogs can very much be the same.

Yes, when it comes to teaching our dogs something new, or modifying existing behaviour, it’s important that we:

• Minimise their ability to practise what we DON’T want them to do - Not ask too much of them too quickly.

• Set them up in the right environment for the stage they’re at (thinking about distance, duration, distraction).

• Be mindful of how we can send mixed signals, by reaching for our rewards too soon, or being unclear with our cues.

• Evaluate their emotional state and if it’s helpful or hindering to learning

Along with many other considerations that would make this a very long and overwhelming list.

BUT none of that means that your training has to look amazing when you first start, or that you’ll always be able to find the perfect training opportunities. Nor does it mean that you’re going to be perfect at taking all of that into account at all times.

Training doesn’t always have to look militant. It doesn’t have to look like you or your dog are an expert. It’s a time to figure out what works best for both of you.

It’s a time to be IMPERFECT in order to get better.

In this video, I’m practising some ‘Settle’ work with Bandit, at the end of one of our usual walks. It’s something we’ve practised loosely at home, but not as much as I’d like. This thought is what has stopped me from practising it when out and about; ‘We haven’t practised enough for this to work in this context’. So I haven’t. But time, energy and general overwhelm also mean we’re still not practising it as much at home either.

One day, I simply thought ‘f### it, let’s just try it and see how we do’.

I made sure we were safe, I made sure I wasn’t setting him up for failure by being too close to the busier parts of the park, I kept an eye on his body language and general emotional state.

And he surprised me. Hugely.

It wasn’t perfect. He wasn’t completely relaxed - mostly interested in the food. It was sloppy, it was the end of the day so I wasn’t in prime ‘training mode’.

But he was actively choosing to be in a down, focused mostly on me, even with a few dogs and people passing by in the background at times.

We practised.

I was able to gather information - how far away did we need to be for this to be successful, how long could he maintain this for, which treats worked best in this scenario and at what points he struggled. I got a better idea of his baseline and what to focus on next, in order to help him progress.

Now, it’s worth noting that in this scenario, I had the knowledge and skills to ensure this was safe and well managed. This particular example isn’t something I’m recommending everyone do (especially reactive dog owners). I’ve been working hard with Bandit behind the scenes to get to the point that I could attempt this safely.

But what I AM saying - and what I’d like the message of this post to be - is;

Don’t be afraid of imperfection.

You can never avoid it, but rather it’s something we have to move through in order to make progress.

As long as you know it’s safe (for you, your dog and anyone else around), won’t be emotionally damaging or distressing for your dog (or others), and that ‘failure’ just means ‘oh well, we tried, let’s make it easier next time’ instead of anything catastrophic, it’s okay to push the boundaries.

• Try that new walk location you’ve been putting off.

• Practise your cues where you’re not sure if they’ll work yet.

• Sit and watch the world go by.

You don’t know until you’ve tried.